PAPA BEAR HERE, WRITIN' TO ALL YOU GREAT FUCKIN' READERS THAT IT IS HELLA HARD TO TYPE WITH FUCKIN' BEAR PAWS, LET ALONE PLEASURE BITCHES WITHOUT MAULIN' EM'. SO PAPA BEAR HAS BEEN UPDATIN' THIS SHIT, PAWS JUST SOMETIMES HIT THE DELETE BUTTON INSTEAD OF THE BUTTON PAPA BEAR REALLY WANTS AND THEN PAPA BEARS JUST THROWS THE FUCKIN' KEYBOARD OUT THE FUCKIN' WINDOW BECAUSE AIN'T NO KEYBOARD ON THIS MOTHER FUCKIN' EARTH THAT'S GONNA TELL PAPA BEAR WHAT PAPA BEAR CAN AND CAN'T TYPE! THAT'S HOW YOU DEAL WITH TECHNOLOGY, LIKE A FISH ON FIRE, CAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO KEEP THAT SHIT IN THE HOUSE AND YOU DON'T WANT TO EAT IT EITHER, SO JUST THROW IT BACK INTO THE WILD AND SHIT'LL RESOLVE ITSELF. WORD!
WHAT'S THAT? SOMETIMES PAPA BEAR HITS THE DELETE KEY ACTUALLY MEANS MOST OF THE TIME? FUCK YOU READERS, PAPA BEAR TELLS NOTHIN' BUT THE TRUTH AND IF YOU THINK OTHERWISE THEN YOU BETTER BE RUNNIN' THE FUCK AWAY CAUSE PAPA BEARS ABOUT TO TERMI-FUCKING-NATE YOUR GODDAMN READERSHIP!
PAPA BEAR TRUTH #3: BIRDS WAKE UP AT FOUR IN THE MORNING
WHAT THE FUCK BIRDS? WHY YOU GOTTA' BE WAKIN' PAPA BEAR UP AT FOUR IN THE FUCKIN' MORNING WHEN PAPA BEAR GOT SOME SHIT TO GET DONE, AND BY SHIT PAPA BEAR MEAN SOME BEAR SLEEP. REST IS THE MOST IMPORTANT FUCKING PART OF THE DAY, LIKE BREAKFAST IS THE MOST IMPORTANT FUCKING MEAL OF YOUR LIFE AND IF YOU SKIP IT YOU MUST BE A FUCKIN' COLLEGE STUDENT WHO AIN'T GOT NO TIME TO DEAL WITH THE MORNIN' AND THE SUN. WELL, PAPA BEAR'S HERE TO TELL YOU COLLEGE KIDS THAT YOU DON'T FUCK WITH THE SUN, CAUSE' IF YOU'RE RUDE TO THE SUN YOU BE DISSIN' PAPA BEAR, AND YOU DEFINITELY DON'T FUCK WITH THE GODDAMN-MOTHER-FUCKING-BITCH-ASS PAPA BEAR! SO BIRDS, WHY YOU GOTTA BE RUDE TO THE SUN AND WAKE UP WHEN YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO? BIRD HAVE EYES, RIGHT? SO USE EM', BITCHES.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Monday, November 30, 2009
PAPA BEAR DON'T HAVE TIME FOR BEAR FLU
WORD UP ALL, PAPA BEAR IS BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER FO' CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR. FUCKIN' HESS TRUCK REFERENCES BOYS AND GIRLS!
SO SOME DEDICATED READERS BEEN ASKIN' PAPA BEAR WHY HE AIN'T BEEN UPDATIN' HIS BLOG. SOME READERS BEEN THINKIN', "MAN THAT PAPA BEAR DONE TURNED OUT TO BE ONE LAZY ASS BEAR." WELL FIRST OF ALL, FUCK YA'LL THINKIN' THAT BULLSHIT CAUSE PAPA BEAR GOT A CASE OF BEAR FLU. SECOND, PAPA BEAR DONE WORK HIS ASS OFF TO BEAR SWIPE THAT CASE OF BEAR FLU TO DEATH. SO NOW PAPA BEAR IS BACK, 100%! LEGIT!
PAPA BEAR TRUTH #2: IT TAKES ONE BEAR LICK TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP
I KNOW I AIN'T THE ONLY ONE WHO SEEN THAT FUCKIN' OWL PRICK ON THE COMMERCIAL WITH THE KID WHO'S JUST CURIOUS TO KNOW HOW MANY FUCKIN' LICKS IT TAKES TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP. WELL, THAT KID WAS STUPID ENOUGH TO GIVE THE DAMN OWL HIS FUCKIN' TOOTSIE POP! AND GUESS WHAT? THAT OWL DONE EAT THAT TOOTSIE POP EVERY TIME! BUT FUCK THAT KID, HE'S A SUCKA; THAT'S HOW THE HUSTLE WORKS IN THIS WORLD BITCHES! BUT IF PAPA BEAR WALKED UP TO THAT OWL WITH A TOOTSIE POP, HERE'S HOW IT'D GO DOWN: PAPA BEAR WOULD TAKE ONE LICK AND GET TO THE CENTER OF THE FUCKIN' TOOTSIE POP, BECAUSE BEARS ONLY NEED ONE LICK TO DO IT! THEN PAPA BEAR'D EAT THE FUCKIN' OWL! TWO MEALS IN ONE MOTHER FUCKIN' SCENARIO! HELL YEAH!
SO SOME DEDICATED READERS BEEN ASKIN' PAPA BEAR WHY HE AIN'T BEEN UPDATIN' HIS BLOG. SOME READERS BEEN THINKIN', "MAN THAT PAPA BEAR DONE TURNED OUT TO BE ONE LAZY ASS BEAR." WELL FIRST OF ALL, FUCK YA'LL THINKIN' THAT BULLSHIT CAUSE PAPA BEAR GOT A CASE OF BEAR FLU. SECOND, PAPA BEAR DONE WORK HIS ASS OFF TO BEAR SWIPE THAT CASE OF BEAR FLU TO DEATH. SO NOW PAPA BEAR IS BACK, 100%! LEGIT!
PAPA BEAR TRUTH #2: IT TAKES ONE BEAR LICK TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP
I KNOW I AIN'T THE ONLY ONE WHO SEEN THAT FUCKIN' OWL PRICK ON THE COMMERCIAL WITH THE KID WHO'S JUST CURIOUS TO KNOW HOW MANY FUCKIN' LICKS IT TAKES TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP. WELL, THAT KID WAS STUPID ENOUGH TO GIVE THE DAMN OWL HIS FUCKIN' TOOTSIE POP! AND GUESS WHAT? THAT OWL DONE EAT THAT TOOTSIE POP EVERY TIME! BUT FUCK THAT KID, HE'S A SUCKA; THAT'S HOW THE HUSTLE WORKS IN THIS WORLD BITCHES! BUT IF PAPA BEAR WALKED UP TO THAT OWL WITH A TOOTSIE POP, HERE'S HOW IT'D GO DOWN: PAPA BEAR WOULD TAKE ONE LICK AND GET TO THE CENTER OF THE FUCKIN' TOOTSIE POP, BECAUSE BEARS ONLY NEED ONE LICK TO DO IT! THEN PAPA BEAR'D EAT THE FUCKIN' OWL! TWO MEALS IN ONE MOTHER FUCKIN' SCENARIO! HELL YEAH!
Thursday, November 19, 2009
PAPA BEAR DOES WORK
WHAT UP ALL! PAPA BEAR FINALLY DONE DUG HIMSELF A DEN ON THIS HERE INTERNET.
WHY?
WHY YOU ASKIN' QUESTIONS OF PAPA BEAR WOULD BE MAH' FIRST ANSWER, CAUSE YOU DON'T EVER QUESTION PAPA BEAR. MY SECOND ANSWER WOULD BE A LIL' MORE LEGITIMATE THOUGH, AND I'D SAY THAT PAPA BEAR REALIZED THERE IS A SEVERE LACK OF REPRESENTATION OF BEARS IN THIS WORLD, AND PAPA BEAR DOESN'T JUST TAKE THAT SHIT, SO PAPA BEAR'S GONNA START DEALIN' THE SHIT ON THE WORLD-WIDE-FUCKIN'-WEB! YOU DON'T LIKE IT? DEAL MOTHERFUCKER, CAUSE PAPA BEAR AIN'T THE KINDA BEAR YOU MESS WITH!
BUT PAPA BEAR ADMITS THAT JUST CAUSE HE'S A BEAR DON'T MEAN HE CAN GO JUNKIN' UP THE INTERNET. TOO MANY BITCHES ALREADY FILLIN' THIS HERE MEDIUM WITH SHIT AS IS. SO PAPA BEAR GONNA' LAY OUT THE AGENDA, AND PAPA BEAR DON'T LIKE REPEATIN' HIMSELF SO YOU BETTA' LISTEN UP!
PAPA BEAR'S AGENDA FOR PIMPIN' OUT THE INTERNET:
STEP 1: TOO MANY PEOPLE LIVE WITH LIES, SO PAPA BEAR GONNA IMPROVE THE WORLD BY GIVIN' PEOPLE ONE TRUTH TO RELY ON TWO DAYS A WEEK! AND IF TWO TRUTHS AIN'T ENOUGH FOR YOU THEN YOU CAN GET THE FUCK OUT BECAUSE PAPA BEAR THINKS YOU ONE INSECURE BITCH TOO MANY FOR HIS DEN!
STEP 2: PAPA BEAR ALWAYS WRITES IN CAPS LOCK, CAUSE HE ALWAYS SPEAKS IN CAPS LOCK, CAUSE BEARS ARE ALWAYS INTENSE! PAPA BEAR HOPES HIS INTENSITY RUBS OFF ON HIS READERS LIKE THIS.
STEP 3: PAPA BEAR NEVER GONNA REPEAT HIMSELF, CAUSE A BEAR REPEATS HIMSELF BY BEAR SWIPING YO' MOTHERFUCKING HEAD OFF! INTENSE SHIT!
STEP 4: PROFIT, SEX, HONEY! PAPA BEAR HAS NEEDS TOO!
THAT LAST STEP WASN'T REALLY A STEP, JUST WHAT WAS ON PAPA BEAR'S MIND. BUT FUCK STEPS, PAPA BEAR GONNA TYPE WHAT'S ON HIS MIND, CAUSE THAT'S WHAT THIS SHIT'S FOR. DEAL! PAPA BEAR GONNA LEAVE YA'LL OFF WITH ONE TRUTH TO START WITH THOUGH, SO HERE IT IS:
PAPA BEAR TRUTH #1: MUGS ARE FUCKIN' GREAT
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, BEAR'S USE MUGS TOO. THINK IT'S EASY FOR BEAR'S TO SCOOP UP WATER WITH PAWS? HELL NO, WE CLUMSY AS SHIT IN THE WATER-SCOOPIN' DEPARTMENT. YOU THINK BEARS JUST DUNK THEIR HEADS IN THE WATER AND DRINK IT UP? ONLY THE NASTY BEARS DO THAT, AND PAPA BEAR IS ONE CLASSY MOTHERFUCKER. SO YEAH, BEAR'S USE MUGS TOO. THAT ASIDE THOUGH, MUGS ARE GREAT FOR DRINKIN' SHIT WITH! SODA, TEA, WATER, HONEY, CLUB SAUCE; YOU NAME IT,YOU CAN USE A MUG TO DRINK IT! YOU CAN EVEN FILL IT WITH WATER AND PUT IN FLOWERS FOR YO' LOVER BEAR! THAT'S RIGHT, MUGS CAN BE YO' SEX TICKET IF YOU PLAY YO' SHIT RIGHT! MOST IMPORTANT THOUGH, SOME PUNK ASS ROBBA' COME BARGIN' IN YO' DEN, AND YOU DON'T HAPPEN TO BE A BEAR, THEN YOU JUST BREAK HALF THE MUG AND YOU GOT YO' SELF MUG-KNUCKLES! JUST WATCH THAT ROBBA' TRY TO PULL SHIT ON YOU THEN! CONCLUSION: MUGS ARE FUCKIN' GREAT, USE EM'!
WHY?
WHY YOU ASKIN' QUESTIONS OF PAPA BEAR WOULD BE MAH' FIRST ANSWER, CAUSE YOU DON'T EVER QUESTION PAPA BEAR. MY SECOND ANSWER WOULD BE A LIL' MORE LEGITIMATE THOUGH, AND I'D SAY THAT PAPA BEAR REALIZED THERE IS A SEVERE LACK OF REPRESENTATION OF BEARS IN THIS WORLD, AND PAPA BEAR DOESN'T JUST TAKE THAT SHIT, SO PAPA BEAR'S GONNA START DEALIN' THE SHIT ON THE WORLD-WIDE-FUCKIN'-WEB! YOU DON'T LIKE IT? DEAL MOTHERFUCKER, CAUSE PAPA BEAR AIN'T THE KINDA BEAR YOU MESS WITH!
BUT PAPA BEAR ADMITS THAT JUST CAUSE HE'S A BEAR DON'T MEAN HE CAN GO JUNKIN' UP THE INTERNET. TOO MANY BITCHES ALREADY FILLIN' THIS HERE MEDIUM WITH SHIT AS IS. SO PAPA BEAR GONNA' LAY OUT THE AGENDA, AND PAPA BEAR DON'T LIKE REPEATIN' HIMSELF SO YOU BETTA' LISTEN UP!
PAPA BEAR'S AGENDA FOR PIMPIN' OUT THE INTERNET:
STEP 1: TOO MANY PEOPLE LIVE WITH LIES, SO PAPA BEAR GONNA IMPROVE THE WORLD BY GIVIN' PEOPLE ONE TRUTH TO RELY ON TWO DAYS A WEEK! AND IF TWO TRUTHS AIN'T ENOUGH FOR YOU THEN YOU CAN GET THE FUCK OUT BECAUSE PAPA BEAR THINKS YOU ONE INSECURE BITCH TOO MANY FOR HIS DEN!
STEP 2: PAPA BEAR ALWAYS WRITES IN CAPS LOCK, CAUSE HE ALWAYS SPEAKS IN CAPS LOCK, CAUSE BEARS ARE ALWAYS INTENSE! PAPA BEAR HOPES HIS INTENSITY RUBS OFF ON HIS READERS LIKE THIS.
STEP 3: PAPA BEAR NEVER GONNA REPEAT HIMSELF, CAUSE A BEAR REPEATS HIMSELF BY BEAR SWIPING YO' MOTHERFUCKING HEAD OFF! INTENSE SHIT!
STEP 4: PROFIT, SEX, HONEY! PAPA BEAR HAS NEEDS TOO!
THAT LAST STEP WASN'T REALLY A STEP, JUST WHAT WAS ON PAPA BEAR'S MIND. BUT FUCK STEPS, PAPA BEAR GONNA TYPE WHAT'S ON HIS MIND, CAUSE THAT'S WHAT THIS SHIT'S FOR. DEAL! PAPA BEAR GONNA LEAVE YA'LL OFF WITH ONE TRUTH TO START WITH THOUGH, SO HERE IT IS:
PAPA BEAR TRUTH #1: MUGS ARE FUCKIN' GREAT
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, BEAR'S USE MUGS TOO. THINK IT'S EASY FOR BEAR'S TO SCOOP UP WATER WITH PAWS? HELL NO, WE CLUMSY AS SHIT IN THE WATER-SCOOPIN' DEPARTMENT. YOU THINK BEARS JUST DUNK THEIR HEADS IN THE WATER AND DRINK IT UP? ONLY THE NASTY BEARS DO THAT, AND PAPA BEAR IS ONE CLASSY MOTHERFUCKER. SO YEAH, BEAR'S USE MUGS TOO. THAT ASIDE THOUGH, MUGS ARE GREAT FOR DRINKIN' SHIT WITH! SODA, TEA, WATER, HONEY, CLUB SAUCE; YOU NAME IT,YOU CAN USE A MUG TO DRINK IT! YOU CAN EVEN FILL IT WITH WATER AND PUT IN FLOWERS FOR YO' LOVER BEAR! THAT'S RIGHT, MUGS CAN BE YO' SEX TICKET IF YOU PLAY YO' SHIT RIGHT! MOST IMPORTANT THOUGH, SOME PUNK ASS ROBBA' COME BARGIN' IN YO' DEN, AND YOU DON'T HAPPEN TO BE A BEAR, THEN YOU JUST BREAK HALF THE MUG AND YOU GOT YO' SELF MUG-KNUCKLES! JUST WATCH THAT ROBBA' TRY TO PULL SHIT ON YOU THEN! CONCLUSION: MUGS ARE FUCKIN' GREAT, USE EM'!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)